The intent of this post is not to shame anyone. I’ve dealt with a lot of issues from jealousy, comparison, inadequacy, and I still do. I’m always wanting to confront any negative issues in my heart and ask myself why. Why do I have an innate nature to compete or get jealous in certain situations. Well, I know a lot of who we are comes from more deep-rooted issues we deal with, beyond anything I can cover in this one post. But the umbrella of it all is insecurity. Often times our outlook on others has nothing to do with them and everything to do with how we feel about ourselves. The heart can never hide, how we feel can come out through our words, actions, demeanor and body language, facial expressions etc. While we can never be perfect, we should always strive to grow. Maybe this will help identify insecurity you may not have confronted:
1. Talks About Others Negatively
So this is an obvious one. Those who spend time picking out the flaws in others usually struggle with their own self- love. In order to make themselves feel better, they are subconsciously reminding themselves of the shortcomings of others. Subconsciously saying, I’m not that bad. There are different levels at which this takes place. If this is something you notice you do. Challenge yourself to pick out something positive about people each day. When you’re tempted to say, “She is so big, she needs to lose weight” instead notice something positive about her, “her earrings are so cute.” When you do this, you are tricking your brain into thinking positive thoughts and building good habits.
2. Can’t Give Compliments to Others
There are several reasons why you may struggle with complimenting others. Maybe you feel they are used to compliments and don’t want them feeling any better about themselves than you believe they already do. Or maybe you’re afraid of their reaction. Maybe you are jealous and don’t want them to feel good. Either way, you’re allowing outside forces to control your desire to spread love and it is a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself. Those who are secure in who they are not threatened by someone else shining.
3. Always Boasting or Bragging
We all have that friend or know someone (or maybe it is you) that whenever you are around them, they are bragging about something they have, something they’ve done or someone they know. Those who deflect attention to material things typically rely on accolades and popularity to gain love from others. Maybe in the past, they’ve received love and attention based on what they have and not who they are, so by habit that is how they gain friendships. The issue here is it attracts the wrong types of relationships as people who are attracted to what you have don’t truly desire or deserve your companionship.
4. Consistent Comparing
I speak on comparison a lot because it is an issue I’ve struggled with. If you’re comparing yourself to others, its because you are focused on what you don’t have instead of what you do. We all have different skill sets that make us unique and when we work together we can create, build and cultivate new ideas, businesses and bring change to the world. Often times the opposite occurs because instead of celebrating our own gifts we envy the gifts of others. Before you’re tempted to compare, remind yourself of all the wonderful talents you have and how unique you are. No one can quite do life, the way you can. If you struggle with comparison read why its a waste of time here or watch me speak on my own experiences and how I overcome the battle of competition and comparison.
5. Constant Manipulation
Manipulation is to handle or control in a skillful manner. If used when applied to relationships, manipulation is negative. When you attempt to manipulate others around us, it is because you desire to be in control. If you lose that control, you feel powerless or afraid. Those who desire control typically have encountered situations as a youth where they were powerless and were hurt whether emotionally or physically. As you get older, you subconsciously decide not to lose that control again and as a result manipulate others. There are different levels and forms of manipulation, some people will only associate with people who they can control. I am no psychologist, but beginning to confront the trauma in your younger years will aid in relinquishing control in some areas so that you can stop hurting others.
6. Always Making Excuses
When you struggle with insecurity, there are certain areas where you may lack confidence. That lack of confidence hinders you from pursuing your purpose. Whether it is starting a clothing line, opening a photography studio, launching a blog etc. We all have desires and personal goals, but what we must realize is confidence comes when you start. Once you see your potential at work, your spiritual man thrives and the confidence follows. Stop making excuses and just do it.
7. Can’t Bring Themselves To Apologize
If you struggle with apologizing, when you’re absolutely in the wrong, you probably struggle with manipulation. “I”m not apologizing because you shouldn’t have ____ in the first place.” If you have a hard time apologizing, you don’t want to give up control. Apologizing means you lose power in your mind and its easier to manipulate the other person to make them believe they are wrong than to say I’m sorry. You must confront the hurt to even begin changing your way of thinking, as it is ultimately what keeps you from admitting when you are wrong.
8. Habitual Liars
Lying is another form of manipulation. Those who are insecure lie habitually to lead someone else into believing another truth. Lying falls right under manipulation. Leading others to believe something about you is a sign of denial of yourself or wanting to control others. Those who struggle with lying must learn how to be honest with themselves and accept who they are. Doing so will bring confidence and self-love and allow you to build confidence with others.
9. Intense Fear of Rejection
The fear of rejection is a fear we’ve all encountered. While it doesn’t exclusively make you an insecure person, there is insecurity provoking the fear. Often times if we fear rejection we may not act at all. The fear can be paralyzing. The goal should be to overcome the fear. Regardless if you’re rejected or not, the ability to put yourself out there is courageous and will build the confidence necessary to keep going.
10. Always Overthinking
Overthinking is a habit I’ve more recently been working to combat. Those who overthink typically have the mentality that the world is against them somehow. Overthinkers also struggle with worrying and thinking the worse in a situation. Overthinking can be a sign of fear of rejection, but there are several traumas that can provoke it. For me its wanting to prepare myself for the worse, so if it happens I’m not as surprised. Start following up negative thoughts when positive. Instead of what if I can’t do it because this and that could go wrong, instead tell yourself you can do it. We must combat negative thinking with positive. That is the only way to win.